Hi everyone and thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read this lengthy post!

I'm new to this board and am so glad I stumbled upon it. Within this past year I have been diagnosed with BPD, among other things. BPD however, seems to be the disorder I struggle with the most, on a daily basis.

I'm really looking for any input, opinions and advice that anyone can offer to help me get through this and better understand what I am going through.

The strongest issue of my BPD comes to my relationship with my BF.

I am in my mid twenties, he in his late twenties. I have been with him just a few months under a year. We don't live together and spend weekends together because we have conflicting work schedules during the week. We've had a good relationship thus far.

However, I am constantly plauged with the worrying and nagging fear that he is going to leave me and abandon me. My biggest fear in the world is abandonment and I fear he will do this to me. It's a non stop thought that runs through my head on a daily basis. The smallest thing will set me off.

With different work schedules, we can't sit and talk on the phone, so, we are big on communicating through text messages. In all the time we have been together we have never gone a day without talking to one another.

I am very big on things in my life being on a routine. I like to do the same thing every week and I like that routine and if anything gets thrown off track I don't know how to behave and the world seems to come to an end. The best example I can give of this comes with the text messaging.

If I don't receive a text from my BF by a certain point in the day my thinking starts to unravel. (Yes, this may sounds really ridiculous to some people, because to others it's not a big deal, but to me it is, lol) I start to get panicky and my mind starts racing as to why he hasn't sent me a message yet today. I then start going back and forth with myself wether I should send him a message instead. Well, if I decide to do this and don't hear back INSTANTLY or the response was short or not exactly what I want to hear....forget it.....you don't want to be within a ten mile radius of me. I become a mess. I start to think for the worst. He wants to break up with me, he has broken up with me and he just isn't going to tell me, he doesn't like me anymore, he is distancing himself from me, as long as it is negative, I am thinking it.

This recently got worse for me because for the past few weeks he has been on what I can a "routine" and had been texting me by a certain time every day. Well, this past week and a half he stopped doing that. He waits for me to text him or if I don't he sends me one later in the night. Well that is sent me into a mess because he broke my happy little routine and now I feel like something is wrong and like I am in limbo-which I just cannot have.

I over analyze any little thing he says to me that isn't what I want to hear. I am a mess the whole week I am away from him because I am constantly worrying when the ball is going to drop and he is going to kick me to the curb and abandon me. I am a wreck until I hear him say, oh friday night were hanging out and doing this and so on. Because until I hear him say that I feel like it is over and I should start preparing myself now.

Ugh, sorry that was so long. My thoughts are all jumbled together as usual and I just have so much held in that it feels good to let it all out. Any advice on how to deal with this I would really appreciate it, or anyone that is or has gone through this, I would love to talk to you.

Thanks again to anyone who took the time to read this!