I suffer from migraines (well they are making sure it's that...that's why I need the mri) but anyway they can get really bad. I can get very confused with them and very desperate. Well last night I had one last medicine I could take which I was a lil scared to try because of some high risk, but the more I thought about it it was probably because I think I was afraid it wouldn't work and sure enough it didn't. I got so angry I saw very violent thoughts again against myself . It's like I get so enraged and then feel hopeless about it all and I'm in a weird state of confusion.

My b/f called me around 1am and could tell something was wrong. We have an intense relationship with a lot of problems. Last week was good for us, but last night I told him and when I am not well he gets so worried he gets angry. It didn't go well. It just made me feel much worse.

I'm not suicidal...but I just don't want to be here anymore ...I don't. I felt like this as a kid. I was very young when this started and it never fully would go away. Even when I was "happy". I just don't feel like I'm supposed to be here it's just too much. Which I'm sure you all feel that way too at times.

Sorry I'm just really down and just physically in pain.