Hi Downnout;
Welcome to PC. I wonder how much weight you husband has put on over the last 15 years. The veiled put downs are a bit concerning to me. What kind of work does your husband do that he is gone a lot?

Do you have a Target store close by? They have a policy of flexible scheduling that can work around hours that you are available. I worked there for 2 years and they were very accommodating.

Your weight loss is a great achievement and you should be proud of yourself. Keep up the good work. What makes you think you are a horrible Mother to the kids? You have gotten them this far in life and that is wonderful. You said you cannot leave. Do you want to leave? Do you have medical insurance, if so you can see your provider and explain your feeling to him/her. They can refer you to a counselor.

I have been married for 35 years to the same woman and she is not the weight she was when I married her, but neither am I.
The focus on outward appearance is not the main thing in a marriage that is going to last. As we grow older our bodies change. Most put on weight for a while only to lose it later in life.
Your husband should be happy to have a wonderful wife that takes care of his kids and home for him.

Good luck to you and have a wonderful day,