I feel so pointless, I am trying so hard to resist the urges to SI and drink, I made it a few days then I failed.
I keep trying to stand up, but I always stumble and fall. When am I going to learn that I deserve to stay face down in the mud? That I deserve to hurt, that I deserve all the alcohol I drink alone at night, that I deserve to be a mute, that I deserve all these emotional distress.
I am guilty, I am worthless, I am nothing.

Nobody cares, Nobody listens to me, When I get the courage to express myself to my friends I am met by silence, or told to quit whining, or uncomfterble distant stares. I should know better, everyone else is allowed to share but Silver must stay quiet and listen.
Something I've learned my whole life why did I think it would change now?

So fine, I will stay quiet and listen to all of my friend trival dribble and comfort them when they cry but when it is my turn I will stay quiet and smile like a good girl, like I'm supposed to, because my emotions are trival and unimportant, I am trival and unimportant.

The urges are miserable, SI isn't the worse though, the urges to drink are the worse, Damnit, I'm rambling, when am I going to learn to keep my mouth shut. Sorry.