I think another critical lightbulb moment was realizing that my exhusband was not who I actually thought he was....and I had known him for 20 years... I think it was basically an image that he portrayed every day....but once you really got to know him and lived with him he was not that person...it was all a facade. For years I was dumbfounded as to what the problem was, he was intelligent, he was well spoken, he was attractive, but he could not hold down the great jobs that he seemed to obtain....had crappy financial skills...and seemed to use the people in his life...and lived only for today....

One day I was on the phone with him and out of the blue something said, the confusion is not him it is with you. You bought into the image that he portrayed and wondered why the inconsistencies...it is because that is not who he really is....that is who he tries to be and who YOU WANT HIM TO BE...but based on NPD....he is never living up to that...and will never live up to that! It may sound silly, but for me that broke the cycle of constantly trying to figure out why our wonderful life wasn't so wonderful....a dream deferred.... I now, can accept him for who he is, and with therapy, work on helping him to manage the negative behavior that is holding him back....

TJ