Thank you, everyone, for your warm, wonderful, supportive responses. You really have no idea how much they mean to me. They are really a lifeline to the rest of the human race.

You are right, 50 guy, I could not have predicted who would respond -- or even that there would be a whopping six responses -- because that is an enormous number for me.

Patty, I have done an internal audit of my classroom skills, and it ain't pretty. I grew up in a military household, and my parents grew up in immigrant households ruled by old man Karamozov. I come off as very hard-edged. I have students who love me, because I really do care about them. I do all kinds of things for them that they do not think I will do because of that hard-edge presentational style. I will do almost anything to help a student who wants to succeed. I also have students who truly hate me. I have little patience for slackers, and even when I put on m best face to deal with them, they can smell the falsity. Despite my outer hard edge, I am very insecure, so I am very hurt by their poor opinion, even though I understand why.

I do not want to teach. I never wanted to teach. I did it to please another person, who ended up abandoning me. Now I am educated to the max, and age 60. Teaching, despite the bellyaching that people do, is the best-paid profession I've ever been in. If I could get a job for five more years, I'll be okay. I am not qualified to teach in public schools, only universities. If I don't find a job with bennies, I may be living in a cardboard box under an overpass.

I do not have a loving family or children. I feel very much alone. I am not always well, and I suffer from vertigo, among other things. This, too, makes holding a 40 hour week job grueling. I wind up pooped after a nine-month contract.

I wonder what would become of me if I slipped and fell. I seem a bit young to have one of those "help I've fallen alarms" but I am considering it. Perhaps my closest relationship will be with a Wackenhut 24-hour security desk.

No, honestly, I really do think that I am seriously defective -- that there is a selfishness and hard edge that turns off people. Not in my writing, no, but in real life.

I discovered that I live just up the road from a mental health assn., so I am planning to get involved with the depression group and maybe volunteer. My only income is teaching online right now, and I do not get out enough.