First off, come here for hugs.......
(((((((((((esthersvirtue))))))))))))
(((((((((((ozzie))))))))))))))
((((((((((sweetcrusader))))))))))
(((((((((((wants2fly))))))))))))
(((((((((((yinperson))))))))
Thankyou so much, I know its a subject that may not sit well for everyone and I appreciate your replies.

About counselling, I am 'in it' at the moment but feel I can't talk about this with him. And my partner (P) is currently 'shopping' for a counsellor, so we'll see how he goes.

I felt uncomfortable when P got in from work last night, but decided not to mention it - I couldn't face the upset. In bed, I lay there thinking 'be strong, yes, he is a good person, time will pass, now put it to the back of your mind'.

I am OK today (plodding along). Ultimately, I just had to open my heart and mind to accept it (I have accepted it before) as a consequence of my illness and lack of availability for sex. Worse things happen at sea, eh ? He is not a bad person. The crude words hurt me more because of past stuff and that is for me to deal with. I have a lot of good things in my life.

Yinperson, Hi, welcome and what a lot you put !
It was very interesting and a male view was good to have (not that I don't like female views too ).

Interesting to see how 'testosterone abundance' can be a hindrance to a male. Its easy to think men like it but maybe for some its a burden (for P perhaps).

P has very good qualities, reliable, sensitive, loving - all I like in a man. He is under stress and the idea of internet pics as an escape sounds possible. Our relationship is close (apart from sex, although it was before) but he does not have a spiritual side. His main 'connection' is with me.

I understand what you say about the 'shadow' side. We have discussed it before and I have had to adjust and expand my views - hard to do but OK because I am openminded about sex in general and not easily shocked.

I think what happened last night was around the words used, my mind is damaged by those words anyway and just seeing them and thinking 'does he like that crudeness, then ?' and imagining all sorts......just hit me.

The sites had been looked at 3-4 times in past week. The secrecy thing also has echoes of past hurts by others - so, as you can imagine, theres a lot of tangles there !!!!

to you all for listening, I can't share this sort of thing in real life.

Take care............Poppet