I just booked my flight to Germany and ordered a guidebook to Berlin so that I can start planning my trip next month. And I'm already playing dangerous head games with myself.

If will be my first international flight (free booze) and first holiday (always an excuse to kick back and drink) sober. And Germany is known for it's beer. And I like beer, although it was never my drink of choice.

So of course I immediately start planning a relapse. My addiction is telling me that I could just stop taking the antabuse before I leave, I could drink while on holiday, I was always pretty good at controlling my drinking on vacations, and then get back into recovery and start taking the antabuse once I'm home.

Rationally I know this is a BAD IDEA. My last drinking spell turned into a four day binge which I can't risk in a foreign country and fortunately I still remember how sick I was afterwords. I also know that by picking up that first drink I'm more likely to eventually totally screw up my life again, or as my sponsor so cheerfully puts it wind up dead.

I know staying sober is the right choice to make, but geeze the urge is overwhelming.

Moral support or kicks in the *** as to why it's a lousy idea for an alcoholic to drink are more than welcome.

---splitimage