with abandonment issues ...... rejection ....... etc. I have my friends and family. I am scared to speak out my feelings to people because they always end up being read the wrong way. It is the only way I know how and sometimes, it comes out all wrong..... I've done it here at pc before, then had to go back and apologise for being aggressive etc ..... i think it's because my opinions have always been invalidated as I've grown up
and sometimes in my marriage ...... i put defences up before i speak my feelings because i'm so used to being put down or invalidated .....

so now i lost a friend because of my big mouth. I was just trying to explain how i felt. I feel sad, rejected and hurt ..... i probably lost a lot more friends because of this too and i'll just have to live with it. I've been made to feel selfish and self asorbed .... so my T is telling me to think of ME for once, which is what one does during healing .... and now I feel guilty for being selfish..... I cant win....... Jin