Vette...

It sounds like you're stretching a lot here... and you sound unhappy. Like you, I'm seeinjg a lot of my past relationship mistakes and it makes me feel scared.

You're right about how many people at midlife have their own agenda and it's more convenient for them to bail when it gets tough. I've been there. I think it's a panicky feeling some people get somewhere around 40 or 50. They feel that half their life is over, and they want to experience things that perhaps they didn't do as teenagers or an overwhelming sense of boredom in their lives. At least, that's what my ex has told me.

Me... I was so looking forward to this time of my life. Emptying nest... no more 24X7 child care and the rat race with building a decent career.... more time to put into the marriage. But... I see where the kids and the career building for both of us detered both of us off the path of makijng sure our marriage was sound.

Take stock of yourself, vett. The mistakes we make in any relationship are never so huge as when we are trying to disengage from them or heal them. I know this sounds cliche, the there had to be worth or value in your relationships even though you don't see it or notice it now.