Love is fluid and hard to measure. It ebbs and flows throughout the lifetime of a relationship and it's unpredictable and hard to define. So stop driving yourself crazy trying so hard to define your love for him. Accept that you can't, not really. Instead, measure the things you can, and set the boundaries for the things that you can control.

You can control... you. You know what's reasonable and rational. You can make decisions that are right for you, knowing at the same time that they're fair and reasonable where your husband is concerned.

In other words, Sting, you've gotta stop trying to, as you put it, "work him out". There are two things you clearly know and believe: first, you still have some hope for your relationship, because if you didn't, you wouldn't have posted on this board at all. Second, you think that couples' counselling is the best, maybe the only, chance for you both to find out how much hope there really is for your future.

Those two things are concrete, definable beliefs that you have. So act on those beliefs, not out of indefinable love. Don't overthink it. You know your situation can't continue, and you know the path you believe you both must take to change it. You are willing. Now you need to find out if he is, too.

And not in six months. This month.