I should have been clearer than I was. It’s my first attempt to communicate with other patients/ex-patients, etc. about any of this. It was a really messy situation of what went on with the termination. Anyway, all of that ethics, appropriateness stuff, isn't what's centrally at issue and I should have kept that out of it. I just haven’t' explained it to others than my p-doc and briefly to a friend or 2.

The central driving issue for me--but not the only--relates to a particular, MAJOR issue for me that was addressed in therapy with her over a period of years, including (again) right at the end.

What I want to read about is her side of the issue--to the extent I can--because I questioned her sincerity about her comments and positions. It's my central issue stemming from some sexual abuse as a kid, and I carried doubts about things she said to me about it. It’s a potentially explosive issue—for me—but for some other people, too. She shut down talking about it--at least to the point relating to what she said, thought, etc. various things.

I see now that were at an impasse--more then 10 years before our termination, and that we should have terminated. She refused to talk about it further, and I couldn’t let go of it, leaving aside what “it” is for now.

Anyway, that's my main issue, though for reasons related to the termination and just in general I want to read the records.

I plan on talking about the termination as it happened at some point, and maybe about the underlying issue I'm talking about, but my real issue is the trepidation about literally reading the notes. I'm going to do it, but have concerns about my reaction and state of mind when I do it.