Sting, you've indicated you are unable to talk to your husband about certain things. You have a lot going on that is important for him to know but yet you can't/don't tell him. Couples counseling will help tremendously with communication between you. I urge you to start couples counseling right away. You said he has suggested this but that you wanted to wait until he had had more individual counseling. Do not wait! He wants to do it, so go. Open up the communication between you so that both of you can let the other one know where they are at. Maybe you or he doesn't know for sure. It's OK! Start talking. The counselor/therapist will help you.

It is so important to learn to state your needs to each other. And if the other one can or wants to fulfill some of those needs, then bingo, there is hope! You say his biggest fear is that he will disappoint you. So his great need is for you to not be disappointed. Are you disappointed? If not, tell him so! He needs that. If you are disappointed, let him know what he can do so you won't be disappointed. If you can't talk about those things, then see, you need a couples counselor!