Thanks everyone.

The thought of going back to AA and picking up a white chip is just gut wrenching. I have a home group that I love - and I know they love me - and I feel like a huge loser who let everyone, especially me, down

Maybe I will just to to my meeting without plans to pick up a chip and pick it up when I feel strong enough to. Otherwise, I'm afraid I won't go.

My mom is an alcoholic - I had a horrible childhood, and she's making my adulthood pretty difficult too (dad died 4 years ago and she's dependent on me) - I don't want to be like her, and here I am.

God, I just suck.