((chaotic))

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Oh and if you have any illusions that your T might think, wow I push pretty hard better make sure she handling it OK, think again. They don't really give a crap what happens to you after the session. I think the 10 yr old already knew this, that way she stays under the bed.

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I know my T cares how I handle things. And I bet yours does too. It sounds like you are your ten year old self here and she was really hurting. She doesn't trust T--a transference?

Take gentle care of yourself.