</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
chaotic13 said:
At one point she just said one of the event for me. She wasn't mean, judgmental, impatient but it still echoed in my ears. I know again maybe I am being childish... but hearing it when it is related to me.. was just unbearable.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">You are not being childish. The adult in us can feel pain, get overwhelmed, be hurt--all of those things. You are an adult who has a right to feel those things. Feelings are not the sole province of children.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I don't know why I am so intolerant and judgmental of myself.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I don't know either and I think this is a big thing to explore in therapy. I like you a lot and I wish you could be kinder to yourself.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Maybe I'm wrong for expecting a reply of some kind

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I didn't realize that part of this was that you were expecting a reply and your T had given none. I hate that. You are right to expect a response to your email explaining your traumatic response to the session. It's a major deal and not time for T to play hard to get. (However, are you sure she is in town?)

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I don't know maybe I am just being a 10yr old here.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">No, you are being an adult, or maybe both simultaneously.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The client can always say, "back off, T!"

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I DID NOT DO THIS! And I should have. In fact last session she told me she wanted me to tell her to F'off if I thought she was crossing the line.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">This technique kind of scares me, like she is trying to get a rise of you. I agree, this would not be therapeutic for me. It would seem like game playing to me, and I hate game playing or falsity of any kind. I would prefer the T to say to me, "you aren't very good at setting boundaries, let's explore that" and so we would and maybe I would gradually come to define my boundaries better, outside of therapy and maybe inside too.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Was it stupid because it made you feel bad?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Well ,YES! ...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">You know what, therapy sometimes makes you feel bad! The healing doesn't necessarily all take place in the same session in which you feel bad. It's a long process. You may have to go through quite a few sessions where you feel bad until you come out on the other side. I think you have expectations that every session should make you feel better. It isn't so.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
now i guess the stupid stems from not sticking up for myself and telling her to stop pushing.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Please don't call yourself stupid. Please don't blame yourself.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Are you certain your T did this to you deliberately?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yes

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I guess what I meant was that did T intend for you to feel the awful way you are feeling now, did she intend to traumatize you? If you think the answer is yes, I would check in with her on this and verify that is true. And then ask how she sees that as therapeutic. Do you think her style is too confrontational for you? Or that the confrontation is coming too soon in therapy, before she has built up trust?

chaotic, I can understand your reluctance to engage with your T again after this traumatic experience and her lack of response to your message. I hope she responds soon.