So... He gave me something to read. To try and explain his choice of the phrase 'demanding', I guess:

'One further point that needs to be made with regard to the induction of a projective identification is the "or else" that looms behind the pressure to comply with the projective identification. I have described elsewhere... the pressure on an infant to behave in a manner congruent with the mother's pathology, and the ever-present threat that if the infant fails to comply, he would cease to exist for the mother. This threat is the muscle behind the demand for compliance: "If you are not what I need you to be, you don't exist for me," or in other language, "I can see you only in what I put there. If I don't see that, I see nothing." In the theraputic interaction, the therapist is made to feel the force of the fear of becoming nonexistent for the patient if he ceases to behave in compliance with the patient's projective identification'.

Ogden, T, H (1982) 'Projective Identification and Psychotheraputic Technique' p. 19

So... Helps some, I guess...