Hi there Sugar --

I am an old broad, and here is what I think:

First, his behavior that causes your jealousy may not be all in your mind. I was married to a man who loved to play women against each other. He was raised by his mother and grandmother, and he was an expert at it. He did not have to physically cheat to do what I call, "putting the other woman in my face." We were only together for a few years, because I realized I needed more emotional security than he could ever provide. I watched him do the same thing to his next wife -- only I was the woman he was putting in her face to keep her stirred up in insecure. It took me a few decades to figure out the dynamic, but than goodness I had the inner wisdom to leave the relationship early, before he made a wreck out of me.

Fast forward 30 years later, he was 60 and never had a relationship last longer than five years. I, however, found a stable guy and he was with me for a delightful 15 years.

Second, you have to get off the booze. I am a depressive (but not manic), and booze as a drug is a depressive. If you are going to be on meds, it is especially important that you get off and stay off. There is a lot of support at AA, and these folks also can help you see the negative dynamic in your relationship with the bf.

So, in my most humble opinion, I would look very clearly at exactly what your bf does before blaming yourself for jealousy. If you need more security than he can give you, you will find someone who is a better match. And pour the drink down the sink.

Please take care of yourself.