I didn't eat much during the past week. Only on Tuesday when I had lived on minimum nutrition for over a week I was super hungry so I decided to eat and my bf goes "No! don't eat that much!" (tho a bit later he asked if I wanted more, wtf)

I'm restricting like €€$76565@£ and he has seen it. but he doesn't seem to think much of it.

I didn't eat when his friend was over and he asked if I had ever been diagnosed with anorexia or bulimia because of it. I took it as a compliment.

I'm SICK. Crazy.

And today I ate because my stomach is rumbling all the time and I feel nauseous because I'm overdosing on caffeine tablets and all kinds of dumb meds.

My mom is complaining because I ate most of the food that she left for me and my dad. I swear it wasn't THAT much.. it was a normal meal. And I feel SO bad! I need my stomach to stop rumbling.. but I'm still feeling bad.

And I can't stop restricting. What I have written in this message implies that even those who are supposed to love me, think I should be restricting all the time.

I can't say about this to anyone because I'm normal weight... therefore it is not an issue. I tried to talk about it once to my psychologist (who no longer treats me) but she said that I'm normal weight so it's not an issue.

And I don't want to stop because if I go back to normal I will gain all the weight and be overweight again.

but I'm still hungry.sometimes it goes away with caffeine... but now it's there all the time. -huge sigh- it never stops..