> How does this understaning affect how you feel/ are now?

Understanding helps -- but it is a very gradual process.

> I wonder as well, do you think/ feel that somehow the anxiety induced in you is somehow also like a hypnotic trance in that she needed you
> to hold/ or expereince the anxiety that she couldnt stand within herself?

Yes, interesting thoughts. Another person is lodged inside myself. No wonder people diagnosed as schizophrenic have "hallucinations" and think someone is controlling them.