I had a traumatic break up with my first love over 13 years ago. He was my first real relationship, was older, and I was devastated when he left me for another woman whom he married in less than six months. It took years to get over and is when I became clinically depressed and have been ever since. I have had one other relatiohsip since then, which failed partly because I could not stop comparing my feelings for him to that of my ex. Although realistically now that I'm older I don't know if my ex and I would have worked out, as we were somewhat different, the passionate and emotional attachment I had to him was very strong and still haunts me to this day. For years I saw a therapist to try to let go of the past which partially helped, and I went from dreaming of him every night to not so much. However, now and again, maybe a few times a year, a dream will creep up on me. NOt a day goes by where I don't think of him as much as I try not to. I still wonder about him even though I know he's still married and has a family of his own. When I have these dreams they are always the same....he comes back for me, I'm elated and happier than ever and those old feelings of love that I haven't felt since being with him come back to me in my dreams, and then the dream ends with him leaving my life again with no warning and me not being able to find him or beg him to come back no matter how hard I try. Then I wake up depressed. This is a recurring dream and I can't take it anymore. Why am I still holding on to this deep seeded longing for him to be back in my life? Why can't I accept the fact that he dumped me for another woman? Why do I still have feelings for a man who could do this to me? I can't seem to forget the strong feelings I felt when I was with him. I have never felt that before or since and fear I never will. It's been 13 years! Enough is enough and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of feeling depressed over this heartbreak that was so long ago, and over the fact that I am still alone and single and lonely today. I feel like my life as I knew it ended when he broke my heart and I've never been the same. My therapist called it a type of post traumtic stressful event, but I'm just tired of the dreams where I feel so so happy when he comes back into my life. Why do I even care anymore? Why can't I let go of those feelings?