its ok to not know how to be rude justgiving, no one really wants a rude person around much anyway...

defending yourself is another matter... it can be learned in many ways... if you can afford the classes take some self defense martial arts training... several varieties are available... the focus of these classes is on self defense so you arent training yourself to attack and are coached in the ways of remaining calm in the face of confrontation....

inner strength is something that grows in time, with experience... at first it is awkward and uncomfortable but never give up the belief in your self value and as best as you are able, never let others remove your sense of self worth... you are a work in process and whether or not you can see what is to come, a beautiful you is waiting to grow...

best wishes to you always