Hi Kibo,

You might want to try and stay busy ... as in distracted.

A volunteer job a couple hours a week someplace might do the trick.
You won't lose your disability that way either.

I'm seeing my therapist next week, finally!

What I do for unwelcome thoughts that depress the daylights out of me is basically the grounding techniques on top of PTSD page (on the sticky topic).

I didn't realize I was doing some of them, but that is what I do and it helps.

Maybe your pdoc needs to know about the imtrusive thoughts and a different avti-depressant is in order, or maybe a cut back ... does that ever happen, where people are taking too much, and they are actually getting better and the dosage they take gives them symptoms?

Good things to find out, Dear Kibo.

I will be sending loving, comforting thoughts your way.

Keep posting. Let us know how this resolves.

peace and love,
night