I agree with Snowflake that leaving your wife because of this is an option.

Have you told her how you feel? Does she know you're thinking of leaving her? She really needs to know how you feel about the whole thing.

Obiously, her methods of discipline haven't worked. It's time she realized it and tried something new. The boy does what he does because HE CAN. Have you thought of taking control in this situation? Maybe you should. Ask your wife if you can try it your way for a while.

Does the boy have to clean up his own mess? Is he made to wash his soiled clothes by hand until they're spotless and fresh smelling? Why does he smell? Isn't he made to bathe? You don't have to answer me, it's just something to think about. But if you love your wife as much as you say you do, you need to fight this. In the big scheme of things, this is nothing.

Good luck.