Sorry... I title the thread 'clarification' then go on to be rather obscure...

A while back I was fighting off a cold so I told my therapist I couldn't come in to see him but asked if he could have a phone session instead (as he has done with me from time to time). He said he could call me 'for a bit' and he basically just talked to me for about ten minutes then wanted to go.

I... Told him that I didn't want to go back to see him again. Because... We only really had a couple of weeks left and then I was heading off overseas. I was hoping that we could keep a phone / email relationship while I was away - but his reluctance to talk to me on the phone when I was sick... Well... I figured that I was being unrealistic about us really keeping in touch and I figured I better let go... And I'm no good at goodbyes so... I didn't want to go in to see him again.

When missing the next session hurt as much as going in to see him knowing that I'm going to lose him I went back again. He said that he thought there was a projection / projective identification thing going on. That my mother was demanding and that I was being demanding with him... And I objected to the word 'demanding'. And he... Said that he didn't mean 'demanding', exactly... And this time he gave me this book chapter and this passage... Well... I guess that is what he thinks was going on with us.

I thought... My not wanting to go back to see him was about the hopelessness of having needs that exceed other peoples capacity to meet them (like when I needed my father and he left me). Seems like my therapist is thinking that my mother only accepted the parts of me that she put in me / that she fostered / approved of. That I felt like if I didn't display those... I feared she would leave / abandon me. He feared... I was going to abandon him since he didn't give me a phone session, I guess.

I'm not sure what to think.