Oh how I hate this legacy from my adoptive mother. How I use to sit alone and watch everyone else laughing and having fun but to afraid to join in because they weren't special and we were. Unyet behind the specialness laid coldness and aggression and bitterness and intolarence and grandiositys and no love, not interest in the inner worlds of each other, no support,...to this day I find it hard to feel "part off" because of this speicalness that my adoptive mother spoke off. My mind was split in two, what I saw with my eyes, ie, people being kind and supportive with each other outside of my home, had to be destroyed, I had to find something that was wrong wtih that...its only now that I feel that my specialness is being punched bit by bit, I have to glide down to meet "ordinariness" gently, and each time my feet touch the ground for a short while I realise that "ordinariness" is a great place to be, specialness is a cold and lonely place to be...the psyche split is healing I think at last...even though at times the fear takes my breath away and I have to run back to my balloon.