Tonight i found some old letters and journals from about 6-7 years ago when i tried to take my life. My sister called all my friends at the time and let them know what i had done and asked them to write to me while i was away in treatment. So these are what i was looking through... and it's amazing how nice and loving everyone was. It makes me wonder where everyone is now and what they are up to. I know i wasn't always happy back then but looking back I feel....like.... i want to go back...i can't think of the word, but that's basically how i feel. Anyway it's strange when i think that back then, when i was a teenager, my friends were my family and my family were the people i avoided. Now my family is all i've got and my friends are the people i've been avoiding. Yet at the same time i feel like it's not that i've gotten older and moved on with my life... i feel like i've regressed and my friends have moved on and therefore can no longer relate to the people my age.
I don't know if anyone here has ever kept a copy of coversations through instant messaging with friends but i found a copy of that as well, and it's cool to look back and see the person you were without being able to argue with it. It's a record and records wont lie. At any rate i found it so interesting that i've been wanting to do something of a live journal and record the audio of my interactions with people on a daily basis and see what kind of a person i am. I would like to do video but that's not enirely possible, and i wouldn't feel right if the other person didn't know they were on film.