i relate to some of this...like "friends" used to take me out or catch up with me when they found out i was sick...but now they don't do it anymore i guess it's no loss cos i didn't like them much , and i've always wanted some kind of proof that i existed...it's hard to explain but i'm always glad i have things written in my diary...incase they have the clue to what i'm trying to solve. Cheers