i AM SO fed up with this life .... you know what? I gave my kids all the love and protection i possibly could as they were growing up.... i'm not a perfect mother, who is? But they always knew they were loved.

I made a huge mistake ONE NIGHT during severe depression ... tried to end myu life ...... I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUR ME .... i truly believed that. A very selfish act. I will never forgive myself for it. That one night has %#@&#! up my whole relationship with my kids IMHO. They havent really been the same with me since ..... I find out now that my son told a friend, his mother came round today and SHE knows all about it ....

I've tried to explain to my son it was the DEPRESSION altering my thoughts .... i didn't do it because i didn't love him ..... i actually thought he's be better off without me .... and NOW I AM DAM WELL THINKING THE SAME ALL OVER AGAIN ......

I CANT DO THIS ANY MORE

my life is %#@&#! up .... and i've %#@&#! up my kids .... which is the last thing i ever wanted to do