Thank you for the replys.

I dunno, I'm feeling completely different ot how I thought I would feel today and during the night. I've tried to quit taking AD's before but within 10mins of making that decision I've convinced myself I won't be able to sleep without them and all sorts of scary things out there in the big world I won;'t be able to bear without chemical help of the AD's, but realising how depressed I have been the past month made me get real honest with myself last night and quit thge %#@&#! pills. How did I sleep? I woke up about every 2hrs and felt a bit nervy but there was another feeling there also, a kind of natural peace, something I have not experienced in yr,s as I believe my AD's dictate a lot of your functions, such as sleep now, wake now, yawn all day, feel agitated but have no energy to do anthing about it but sit and stir in your own hell...

I woke this morning went to work, waited for the big dark cloud of yesterdays discussion wtih hubby to hit, and it didn't. What did hit was the realisation that It takes 2 to be in a relationship and whta my husband was trying to commuincate to me was his pain at my emotional absence, I mean he almost cried at one point yesterday, woudl a man who didnt care do that?

It kinda of reminds me of the relationship I have with T where we talk and become aware of each other in that room, I guess this is the first time I've been able to apply this to life outside of the therapy room..

Somethign inside of me was woken up yesterday, that I am not completely powerless to do something, do I want a life where I am never available in any area of my life? isnt life so much richer when we share ourselfs wtih another? This is what my husband was trying to do wtih me yesterday, he wasn't critising me or condeming me as such, he was telling me of his pain.

I've always reacted in an aggressive manor in the past, or thought the world as i know is about to end, but this time? I dont feel like that, I feel mroe postiive now, I feel like all the practising i've been doing in T is working for me now. I needed a mirror and my husband mirrored how I've been for the last few weeks. I dont want to live life in a black hole, yes on one hand it feels easier, hiding out in my depression, but I think now I'm strong enought to take that extra step and meet him some of the way. Yes thats it, I've always had this feeling that someone had to do all the walking to me if they didnt then I would throw them away, but now I can meet someone half way, its called being an adult I think?

I'm glad yesterday happened, its a warning sign of a life I seemed to be walking into blindfolded.