Hey again everyone....

I hope I am posting this in the right location as opposed to being in the relationships board....but, I suffer from BPD, so I felt like this was an appropriate place where others could relate the most to me.

I was diagnosed with BPD this past year and am still learning how to cope with it. I have a BF whom I have been with for a few months short of a year. He doesn't know I suffer from this and I am not ready to tell him yet.

Anyways, I am constantly battling the fear and thoughts that he is going to up and abandon me for any little reason or for no reason at all. I put all my focus on him and make him my main priority-which I cannot undo, as much as I try.

Anyways, I have a family vacation coming up in two weeks that he cannot make due to his work schedule. My problem is that I am very excited to go on vacation with my family but at the same time, I am deathly afraid that this will end our relationship. I am scared he will get mad at me for leaving....I'm afraid that the whole time I am on vacation I am going to be paranoid thinking this is the end, he's gonna be gone when I get back. I know I will be staring at my phone non stop waiting for a text or a call.

I've already started thinking for the worst, over a week in advance. Thinking that if thats what is going to happen, I just wish he would get it over with and leave me now. Even when that isn't what I want.

Has anyone else dealt with this and how do you handle it? I'm going out of my mind with these thoughts!