Angel,

I understand your fears about meds, and yes definitely no one has a right to push them on you. I was reluctant for a long time as well.
For what it's worth, they have helped me a great deal and I have seen them do similar things for other people.

It does sound to me that the folks around you care a great deal about you and want what is best for you. I guess I think you can't blame them for encouraging you to pursue the most effective treatment regime. (There is alot of strong evidence suggesting that medicine and therapy together are MUCH more effective than either one by itself.) I'm guess that they are empathetic people who really feel your hurt with you when they see you in so much distress.

I also wonder if you have a misunderstanding of how psychiatric meds work. In my experience, medicine has a clarifying affect. The depression and anxiety distort reality. Taking meds helps clear up the distortions. While some anxiety meds can be abused (and a good doctor will help you stay far away from them if you have a propensity toward addictive behavior), properly taken no psychiatric med should make you feel 'high' or give you "rose colored glasses."

No pressure here at all. You will make the best decision for you and that might mean "toughing it out" without meds, but I wanted to share with you what a difference it has made in my life taking the meds I needed for my mental health. One way that it was described to me is that if I had heart disease or diabetis, I would take the meds, so why not for a condition involving the mind/brain?

Hope this is helpful! Hang in there, therapy does take time, but it's worth it.

- FT