Oh ev! You're gonna make me cry! I've spent so many years wishing I were dead instead of being alive to live in such pain. I spent so many years wishing they had killed me that night instead of leaving me with decades of hell to work through.

When I read something like **you are a great and compassionate person despite all they did to you** that makes me stop and think..........and in doing that I realize how distorted my thinking gets around this. I do NOT deserve to die because I survived. I do NOT deserve to suffer because I endured a night of absolute horror...twice. I DO deserve to know that I am worthy and compassionate and I do not need to prove my worth to anyone---------especially myself!

Thank you for the reminder that I am part of this and not a helpless sideline observer. You're most kind yourself sweet (((ev)))