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complic8d said:
I have a great amount of shame inside of me. I'm not even exactly clear about where it comes from, there is some childhood stuff. But this shame is so strong. It interferes with all my relationships (which I keep to a minimum), but is really a problem in therapy.
I have things that I cannot get myself to talk about, they make me feel too "icky". The problem is that these are issues that I have to work through, asap.
Just wondering if anyone can relate. How can you let go of the shame long enough to work on things that the shame is a result of?
I love my t, I trust her as much as I can anyone, I don't feel like this is a problem with our relationship. It is a problem within me.
I do try to write things down and let her read them, but I even get all squeamish when she is readling them, to herself.
I know ppl are going to say you just have to work through it and make yourself talk, but how do you do that???

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I think you should talk to your therapist about why you can't talk. Tell her it makes you feel icky, and ask her for some advice. You can explain your dilemma without going into the details. See what she has to say.

I don't know if trying to get over shame "asap" is really workable, partially because I think patience is a key factor in working through it. The moments I've been least ashamed are the moments I am most accepting, honest, and gentle, and impatience with trying to "solve" whatever it is that's bothering you seems to be at odds with those values. My advice would be to try and listen to yourself and accept where you are, what you've done, and how you feel without trying to change it right away. Just hear yourself out like you would a good friend. THEN decide what you need to hear (from yourself) and what actions you need to take to improve your situation.