I tried to talk to my Dad and my husband about how I am thinking of asking my pdoc about moodstablizers. I have found that as I get better my moodswings seem so much worse. I don't want to die but when I get into the dark pit it is hard to see many other options. I tried to express to them that I am in very serious danger. I repeated several times that when I get into that space I am not confident that I will be able to keep myself safe. I know they were most likely trying to express that I have improved so very much but I needed them to see and understand my fear for my own safety. It was like they were not willing to see that the sane well adjusted happy woman before them could kill herself tomorrow if the mood struck her. In the past I would be sad about this and feel like my feelings were being disregarded. What I feel now is frustrated. Frustrated in their need to be ignorant of my peril and jealous that they are still able to see death as being far off.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson