I thought I could do this on my own, but I find myself going back to the self destructive behavior and embracing it more than before.

So, I see that I must come back here and find out if the support and understanding can jerk me away from my own declining behavior and put me straight again.

Posting these things has been pretty traumatic and every day i struggle with leaving them posted on the forum. But it helped me a lot. I stayed away from the behavior for more than 120 days while hanging out with all of you. And in less than 30 days on my own, i was tempted right back into it.

I can only blame myself for all of it. PTSD and csa are no excuse.

So, I'll spend whatever time it takes here to escape again. WHen i was here before, i read too many forum posts and it dragged me down every day. This time, I'll only be reading PMs and replies to my posts. Chat is ok also ... holds me accountable.

Thank you to all who care.
T.