I could be a bit confused... But I thought there was a thread before on your realizing that you *hadn't* had sexual feelings about your therapist for a bit. And so then... You started to think of him sexually *intentionally* once you had realized that you hadn't had sexual feelings about your therapist for a bit.

That stood out for me. I wondered why you would *intentionally* think sexual thoughts / feelings about your therapist in the face of realizing that you hadn't naturally done that for a time. I thought that that could come from beliefs such as 'sexual feelings are what promotes an intense bond / connection / intimacy that simply can't be had without the presence of sexual feelings'. I'm not saying that you ever came out and explicitly said that that is what you believe - but I am saying that I find it interesting that you *intentionally* fostered sexual feelings for your therapist once you noticed that they hadn't simply occurred to you for a time.

And then I got to thinking: Maybe you do (implicitly) think that sexual feelings / thoughts enable a degree of intimacy that simply can't be had by any other way. And then I got to wondering whether that might be true. And then I thought that there ARE examples of deep bonds and intimacy that (arguably admittedly) aren't accompanied or facilitated by sexual thoughts / feelings (such as parenthood, childhood, sisterhood, brotherhood, same sex and opposite sex friendships and so on).

I find it really very interesting indeed that you felt the need / desire to intentionally foster sexual feelings upon noticing their absence from your end. Best I can figure... That is due to some implicitly held beliefs about the role of sexual feelings / thoughts in intimate relationships.

What worries me about your therapist... Is whether he is happy to deal with the fact that you didn't have sexual thoughts / feelings about him for a time... Or whether your disclosing this to him (have you disclosed this to him?) would be taken by him to be some kind of narcissistic insult / injury to himself. Because if he would take it as an insult / injury then... He hasn't sufficiently worked through his issues around this to help you work through and transcend those feelings.

I understand that sexual transference CAN be used for good - and CAN be used to facilitate intimacy. What I'm worrying about is whether... He is as capable of dealing with their absence as he is capable of dealing with their presence. And if not... If he also believes that sexual feelings simply ARE a part of intimacy - then he simply isn't in the position to assist you in working THROUGH your transference feelings.