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chaotic13 said:
I real one of your other posts regarding giving T's gifts. From how you describe your T, I think your ability to briefly share your happiness with him was a certainly viewed as a great gift.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think you are right, chaotic. Thanks for pointing that out. I think we can give our T's lots of gifts that are not material goods. I think they are deeply appreciated--a reward of being a therapist.

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chaotic13 said:</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It had to do with my recognizing how I felt about a certain behavior I have that dates back to childhood.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">When I read this statement, you seem to be saying that the recognition of how you felt was more important than simply acknowledging the age-old behavior pattern. Since I frequently misinterpret things, it this correct? Can you elaborate on how this recognition came about? Was is something that occurred gradually and at one point you stepped back and said, Hmmm wow? Or did your feeling just come in the form of a.... catharsis?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Yes, the recognition of how I felt was very important. This was not a behavioral pattern I was very cognizant of or maybe I was somewhat, but didn't see it as a major problem. You are right, what was key, was recognizing how I felt about this pattern. I didn't know how I felt about it, it was very deep and unconscious and hidden from me. Through work with T in session, the unconscious became more known to me, through our work on dream analysis and emotional connections to the conscious world. No, the recognition did not occur gradually, but almost all at once, and then when I saw in a flash how I felt about it, and then started experiencing the pattern again (in session!), I suddenly saw a way out, that now that I knew how I felt, I did not have to do this anymore. And so I didn't. It was kind of instantaneous. The change in energy flow was amazing and incredibly reinforcing.

During my processing of this and attempts to give this experience context and better understand how a dream helped bring about behavioral change, I was reminded of accounts I have read of people who have taken the psychoactive drug ibogaine (and some other drugs) and because of their experience while under the influence, have then been able to abruptly beat addictions (like smoking, heroin, alcohol). They are able to quit immediately and maintain that. Something inside their brains changed and they became able to do this, despite previous unsuccessful attempts.

I know it is really not the same, but that is what I was reminded of. Insights I gained while in an altered state of consciousness helped me change my behavior (which was not an addiction) in the conscious world.

For me what was key was understanding how I felt about the behavior. There was nothing rational about this.

That's my somewhat "out there" explanation. Chaotic, if you ask me a bunch of rational and reasoned questions about this, I probably won't be able to answer, as they just won't "fit."

I wish all could have an experience like this....