it's good that you can talk to your parents. very good actually. of course it doesn't fix anything like you said but you feel a lot better being able to say it and putting your feelings into words. i write a lot too, but it is more relieving when someone actually listens.

emotional vampire i know... but that'se the issue i gotta work on.

also, the problem with some bpd people is that they don't feel they deserve to feel the things they do. talking with people who sometimes validate these feelings helps.

do you have any meds for anxiety? going to a new place might add up to those thoughts and can help you through the worst bits.

i hope and believe you can have a wonderful holiday despite of bpd!