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MissCharlotte said:

I have been thinking about how I may be repeating a long ago pattern from my childhood and how alone I always was. I became used to problem solving on my own. So, now that I have this wonderfully compassionate person to share my pain with, I have to work hard at not seeing him as an intruder in my life but a helper. The interactions in-session feel so intense because I never developed an intimate relationship with anyone--at least not to that degree. So I think my mind is protecting me somehow by creating this exit strategy.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">This is a really good inisght. Particularly if your relationships in your childhood did not have appropriate boundaries, I think it would be difficult to let someone in this close without seeing him as an "intruder."
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Sometimes no matter what he says I interpret it with a negative view. But why?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> One reason could be-- a history of invalidation. If we are constantly invalidated, then it makes sense that we would interpret negativity from what our therapists say. It's almost like-- how could this possible be real? Can he really mean that? I am reminded of my own sessions, in which I can sometimes handle some pretty painful stuff and stay grounded-- but as soon as he pulls out the "nice" stuff-- the compliments on my progress, the disclosure that he is connected to me-- off I go.
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I don't want to stop. I just feel so sad right now, as if this means that my therapy with T has ended because I am not capable of holding onto the relationship now and I don't know how to continue and he probably is tossing my *** out.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I think you are holding onto the relationship. I have been thinking about that a lot lately, how we can feel disconnected, but still hold onto the relationship. I feel like since you are doing the work outside of session to process your relationship, then you must be holding on in some small way. There is no way he is tossing your *** out. Besides, if he did, I would toss his *** out a 7th story window. He's not tossing you out. He is as committed to this as you are.

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Which came first--the chicken or the egg?

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The goat. :____

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I see him later today. Wish me luck.

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GOOD LUCK. Work that assprint. Oh wait, that's on Thursdays, right? Then create your own assprint, so deep, that no one will ever be able to sit in the chair again without completely sinking-- and T will be reminded of you every time he looks at the chair. In order to do this, you may have to wear metal (or concrete) underwear-- you know, something really heavy to make that print.

XOXOXOXO