Hi Soveh, I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. You say that you feel worthless most of the time, in therapy are you all dealing with that? I have dealt with low self worth and those of us who do got that message that we had little worth while we were growing up. We can learn that this message is not the truth, I did. When you say that you feel that you need to be punished you must think that you are really bad. You aren't! If a person grows up in a household where they are mistreated by an adult the child will get the message that they must have been really bad. Adults mistreat children because of their own issues. Can you find cheaper counseling? Many places have sliding scale payment. United way funds counseling services.