I guess that's the issue. How much safety there is.

I agree that it's not solely an issue related to sex. Any sort of mutual intimacy would be similar. But the therapist has to be able to keep the therapy space safe by holding those boundaries.

At times it occurs to me that my therapist gets more than my money in my sessions. That our relationship and the emotional intimacy are rewarding to him as well. That I am important to him. It feels good of course. But it also makes me nervous. At times he seems to do an internal boundary check and draws in a bit, and I get hurt a bit. If the emotional intimacy ever gets too scary to him, I'll be hurt a lot.

I do the boundary check too. Sometimes I notice that he's trying to protect me, or doesn't want me to feel bad, and I remind him that we can't do therapy if he's trying to keep me from feeling bad. Sometimes he has to delve into things, even if they cause me pain.

He's got really good boundaries in some ways, so I don't worry about it too much. He may be fond of me, and our relationship may be rewarding to him. But he still watches those boundaries. Our sessions end on time, I doubt he thinks of me between sessions. There is never any question of friendship between us.

But I still watch the boundaries myself as well. Because sooner or later they're likely to regret something or feel guilty about something or nervous about something. And when they do, we get hurt.

Sexual intimacy has a greater potential for regret. So there is a greater chance of being hurt.

It would be nice if therapy was always safe. It would be nice if licenses came with guarantees. But I know we've all seen enough to know it's not always safe. Clients do get hurt. That may be true in all relationships, but with the power differential, it seems more true in therapy.

I don't know. I always call for reciprocity. But if there is true reciprocity then the therapist is not minding the boundaries. If there's true therapy, there can't be true reciprocity. Therapy requires a space. Space requires a certain detachment.

I just like to be careful. I *don't* trust my therapist to take care of everything.

Mind you, I trust him completely. But I trust, and tie up the camel anyway.

It's a difficult thing, this therapy relationship.