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earthmama said:
Earlier in therapy, I LONGED for T to contact me. I have really never asked for what I need - I barely know how, and it felt humiliating for me to ask for some reason. Maybe having needs was a sign of weakness? Maybe I expected the answer to be "no" as it was throughout my childhood? Perhaps I thought I would be punished for having needs? I KNOW I thought any need I had would be "too much" and I would be told to just go away.

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omg - this is where i am still. you put it into words perfectly. if it didn't embarrass me so bad, i'd print it and take it to t.
but that is just what MD was syaing. I have to state what I need - otherwise she is just another of the many ppl controlling my life like it used to be.