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Kiya said:
I have to state what I need - otherwise she is just another of the many ppl controlling my life like it used to be.

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Ahhh - this makes sense to me.

A few weeks ago, I painted a box to use as a symbolic "container" for overwhelming feelings, memories, etc. I asked T if I could leave it in his office. When I brought it, I was so scared to show it to him, because it looked so much like "me" - each side had a mandala painted in colors that soothe me. When I finally gave it to him, we talkd about where to put it. I WANTED him to say "let's put it right on my desk!", but I just couldn't ask for that - it felt like too much, and like there was too big of a risk of rejection. So, I told him just to put it on a bottom shelf of a bookcase, behind his chair, where I knew it would never been seen.

At the next session, we started really talking about my needs. And in the course of the conversation, he said he wanted me to feel cherished and nurtured, and asked what he could do to help me feel that way. I managed to squeak out "you could put my box on your desk". I could practically SEE his ears perk up. He wanted me to ask for it again - to say the words "will you put my box on your desk?" - and he said he wanted me to have the experience of asking for something that I needed, and having someone give it to me . He REALLY wanted to put the box on the desk, but I REALLY didn't want to say the words. I finally convinced him that I ask him for things I need ALL the time - phone calls, e-mails, Uno games - and that he always, always gives them to me. So, I said maybe this one time, he could just give me the gift of giving me what I need without me having to specifically say it. (which, I see now, was just another way of asking for what I needed!). He got right up and put it on his desk. I like seeing it there and knowing it's there right next to him while he's working.

T really, really wants me to state what I need. He wants to give it to me, but only if I ask. I think, like your MD said, it's a way for me to gain some sort of power over my life and what happens to me.

This is really interesting to think about.