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chaotic13 said:
So today I am asking myself...Why, when I finally reach a point where I would like some additional support from others and actually ask for it-- does it go unheard? Could it be that I am not conveying or asking the right way? Am I really making a clear request? Am I seeking support from the wrong people? Am I thinking that I need support when I really shouldn't be? Are my request just being heard but simply ignored? Or is it in my best interest that my requests are being denied so that I find support from within or maybe from another source?
I know only I can figure this out and there is likely many different reason why requests for support go unanswered.My questions for the group are:
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People that know you and love you would not ignore requests for emotional support by denying it, so we can rule out the thought that they might be withholding support so that you can "reach within" or whatnot. That type of person doesn't have your best interests at heart.
One of the primary reasons people don't answer is that they don't really listen.Everyone is guilty of that from time to time, but I try to work on that. Secondly, if you seem outwardly to other people as strong, independent, and a problem solver, the unfortunate backlash from that is they think you don't need help. That's why I'm a believer in making your needs known, as long as they are clearly communicated and rational.
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1. How do YOU let other people know you want or need some support
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When I was younger, I used to call my family and sometimes friends when I thought I could use support through a hard time. However, those so-called "friends" were self absorbed and immature, and my family--both immediate family and more distant---live under a rock where denial of all things negative rule over them. To acknowledge that a family member needs help is the last thing they will do. I don't even get holiday or birthday cards, or even a phone call from parents. Far too many untreated mental health issues in my family, and denial of anything real rules the house.
I have a T now, so if I run into a problem I can't handle until my next appointment I call his private office voicemail and he returns the call. I'm not willing to go into denial like my family does. I don't feel weak or stupid for reaching out when I need to.
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2. When you don't seem to get the response that you think you want, how do you decide if the lack of response stems from a communication error on your end or simply that you are being ignored?
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Well, considering what I said above about my family and so-called pals, I know for a fact the communication error is on THEIR END and NOT MINE. I've given it careful thought over the years, and while I am capable of admitting fault when I do wrong, that isn't the case in my situation.
When I was younger and more impulsive and rash, this was a big emotional issue for me. I've been able to process over time, and I realize I'm quite capable of taking care of myself. I don't hate my family or old "friends,"
I usually do fine when I calm down and think about the whole thing rationally. After I see my T I've often got a good grip on the situation.
chaotic13, it's tough at first, letting go of the emotions that you have every right to be angry and/or depressed about. I found that for me, in order to take care of myself, I focused on what I needed to do to feel better, instead of how I must be hated or whatever (as a reason they ignore me).
Everyone is individual though. I find that if a person is indirect and beats around the bush that a person might miss the significance of it altogether. Some people couldn't see a darn thing when it comes to the troubles of other people, no matter how direct you are. Those people aren't really capable of helping others since they are so self absorbed.
You will know the difference after really scrutinizing the offenders from a logical point of view (which can only happen in a relatively calm state). You can't change other people, and appeasement doesn't work either (like a mercenary, they only work for a price). If I were you chaotic13,
I'd ask yourself if the people you seek response from are really worthy of having you around them. A good T, is a good resource.
