I just want to add something I just looked up to try to help linda
"in a similar vein, one of the most common complaints of people seeking emotional counseling is that they feel rejected. They feel that nobody really likes, that nobody cares for them, or that everybody is overly critical of them. Often they will feel that this is doubly unfair because they basically like everybody. They feel that they pretty much lack any rejecting tendencies in themselves. They bend over backwards to be friendly and uncritical of others. But these are exactly the two distinguishing marks of projection: you lack the trrait, everybody else has lots of it. But as every child knows "it takes one to know one" The person who feels everyone is rejecting them is really one who is totally unaware of his own tendencies to reject and criticize others. These tendencies could be a minor aspect of his personality, but if his is unaware of them, he will project them on everybody he see and knows. This multiplies the original impulse, and so the world begins to look ominously critical of him in proportions that are simply not there. The point, true of all projections, is that some people may indeed be very critical of you. But this won't overwhelm you unless you add to their criticism your own projected criticism. Thus anytime you feel intense feelings of inferiority and rejection, it would be wise to look first for a projection, and admit that you can be a little bit more critical of the world then you know." (ken wilber no boundary pg.96)...

Wise words to remember for all of us probably... any way just as an addition to my exhortation to stand up I highly reccommend exercise walking jogging weightlifting or some sort of all body tensing (whatever) which exercises our assertion and has so many other benefits.... As far as Linda it might be that you are rejecting him before he can reject you....(in order to protect yourself from rejection intimacy getting trampled hurt) (or feeling hurt and thinking he would be inadequate to you pain anyways so you punish him push him away reject him)... Also in this dynamic it seems like maybe testing his love... I am hurt no one loves me you love me but I feel unworthy and black so I will push even you away and stay in this feeling that is all I really know....it is safe and strangely comfortable... means I wont have to break through my shell and step into the unkown... it is a defense... Only reason I have any clue (maybe) as to what you are talking about is because I do or have done same thing.... I will have to ponder this some more though...