Thank you for this thread

And...
What is need and what is want?
I *want* my T to return a call to me, but do I *need* her to? Often I get stuck there and I can't call my want a need, so I say nothing. Same way in session. I take what I get and feel lucky to have that.

On top of all that... what is it I want or need? Half the time I don't know! I feel so stupid saying that, but there ya go, it's how I am.

To ask implies worthiness to me. I can hear an immediate angry "Who do you think YOU are!?" when I think I want or need something. That part of me runs and hides and I sit there like a cool calm (empty, aching) idiot.