Sorry, I just need to vent. Sorry if nobody cares or thinks I'm being unreasonable or immature.

Basically, I got into a major fight with my parents and one of my sisters this morning, and they tried putting all the blame on me. My sister called me a drama queen because of course I was crying and really upset. If she doesn't know by now that I get that way when dealing with them, then she really needs to get her head examined. It's weird, I never ever have meltdowns, except when talking to my immediate family. They just seem to bring out the worst in me.

What we were fighting about this morning was how I feel that some people in the house feel that they can do whatever they want, whenever they want, but not everyone else can. Then they were trying to make me change how and when I like to do my laundry, which I should not have to do. The fight was just stupid.

But, it got worse because job stuff about me came up again and that they all think I'm not sleeping enough (Which I don't think is true) and how my sister doesn't think I have an anxiety disorder or bad depression. Uh yeah, if I didn't, I would have no problems going up to people and speaking to them, I would make phone calls without having to be by myself in fear that they are going to listen in and make fun of me. Also getting on the phone with a stranger is a big challenge for me. I basically have no friends who live around here either. I'm afraid of meeting new people too in the fear that they'll all reject me right away for dumb reasons like wearing glasses, not being a size 0, etc...

So, my mom was telling me to go seek help, which I would love to, but I'm really afraid about money right now. Even though my parents have been talking about lowering rent for me, so I can pay for a therapist, but I still don't trust them. I also don't want to end up paying a fortune for medication I do not want to take or might not work. I really feel medication is not the answer to everything.

I have been able to think, unfortunately at work and I think at the expense of my duties this morning, as I was late. Go figure, the only time someone actually listens to me, I end up late for work. But I really want to talk to my family about what is going on with me. I'm just afraid that we'll just end up in a huge fight again, and that I'll be told that I'm wrong.

I just wish I could be happy for once. All I ever feel is like I'm going to be judged for everything.