(((((((((((((((((((((( Angel )))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hear you! When I first started therapy I almost went out of my way to read stories of people being dumped by their therapists. I don't know why - maybe as a defense, to make it so I wouldn't get too close/dependent??

What has helped me is discussing this AT LENGTH with my T. I used to ask him constantly "are you going to refer me?" or he would comment about something "well, what's the worst that could happen?" and I would say "you would refer me". It was a HUGE fear of mine. I think it was partly self-protective, and partly just expectations based on my past - of COURSE no one could ever actually "be there" for me - I'm too much trouble, too bad, too in the way, should be able to take care of myself, etc., etc.

I feel pretty secure in my therapy relationship right now, and even then, as recently as last Friday when I was in crisis, T told me out of nowhere "I am not going to refer you". Those fears die hard.

((((((((((((((((((( Angel ))))))))))))))))))) I think the fears you are having are very, very normal. Can you talk to T about them???