Hey there Shadow,

I'm He'sThem,
I am so sorry love, that you are going thru this.
Wish I could just be there and give you a Great BIG Hug!
And yet I know sweetie, that at times that doesn't fix much. But try and learn to decifer your own thoughts first darlin. Call for order inside. There should be someone else there, who is calm and will help you keep peace.
As far as the "be loved, and love back" sounds like a good plan to me (if its safe). And since I can't be there here's;

A Little Happy! and a HUG